Actually, I now know that I probably had cancer for less days than that. But for 160 days I believed I had cancer. I was diagnosed on March 1 and got the news of the complete pathological response on August 8.
160 days is 40 days x 4. In the Bible a 40-something time period (days/years) is a period of testing or trial that ends with a period of restoration or renewal. For Noah it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, Moses was on the mountain 40 days and 40 nights, the Israelites wandered 40 years, Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days, and Jesus was seen on the earth for 40 days after His crucifixion.
I'm not saying I'm Jesus or Moses. But it's pretty awesome to think about how the biggest trial/testing of my life lasted 40 days, 4 times over. God has been faithful and now I should be in the time of renewal and restoration.
I wish I could say that I'm now 100% resting with the peace of God that I'm cancer free. But I can't. It's hard to switch my mind from being a warrior to a survivor when I was a warrior for 160 days and now only a survivor for 30 days.
My 160 day trial built my faith more than I could have ever imagined. I trust God with my life and I trust Him with my death. I know my friends and prayer partners have seen their faith built up by how amazingly God answered so many of our prayers, both little and big. It's truly incredible to see.
But despite the faith and trust that I've built, I still get scared. I don't think I'd be human if I didn't. Every little ache or pain brings up a fear that it could be metastasis. So far each pain has come and gone, but I live in fear that one won't.
So if you think of me, will you please say a prayer for me? One prayer that I'll remember that God is faithful, that I am a survivor, and I don't have to worry. And a second prayer for my continued health; That I've kicked cancer's butt once and forever. Amen.
So many prayers for all of you. How great it is to see the word SURVIVOR!! :)
ReplyDeleteAlways praying for you, know if you need anything at all day or night were just around the corner...your strength and Outlook on life is ahhhhmazing. We love you
ReplyDeleteGoing from warrior to survivor is one of the hardest things I've done-and yes I've done chemo for a year. It is just such a mental and emotional battle, this survivor thing. I find myself handing my fears and my worries over to God numerous times a day somedays. I'm so glad He just takes them off my hands for me and doesn't judge me for the fact that I've picked them up yet again. Every ache, every twinge causes me to look at the calendar and go, "ok, if this is still happening in two weeks, I need to call the doctor." It's exhausting. My 5-year anniversary of my diagnosis is next Monday (Sept. 16), and I hoped I would be past all this by now-but I'm a work in progress. HIS work. I will continue to rely on Him and His grace and love for me as I continue to figure out this whole survivor thing. I know He's got this!
ReplyDeletePraying for you, sister. <3
Jeremiah 29:11
Mark 5:36
Just found your blog and I am amazed at your strength, to be so joyous and pregnant and then get that news, I cant even imagine. You are in my prayers and I can't wait to catch up on the rest of these posts!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've also decided to nominate you for the Liebster Award! Come on over when you get the chance and read the rules, plus the fun little questions I came up with for my nominees!!!
ReplyDeleteOh girl I love that it was 40x4! That is so neat. God is definitely faithful, and it was a major blessing to get to see your come out of that trial. Praying for you always:)
ReplyDeletePrayers your way.....hang in there! That is one tough thing. I don't even know how I got your blog but I've been praying for you along the way. You ARE healed!!
ReplyDeleteI was breastfeeding my second child when I found out I had Stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. You have no idea how inspiring you are to me. Thank you so much for writing this blog and for encouraging me to do the same. God bless you with many many decades of life and joy.
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