Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Will you have more kids?

This is a question that a lot of people ask me, so I thought I'd address it on the ole blog...

The answer is complex.

First, I need to wait until I'm NED (no evidence of disease) for three years before I can consider another pregnancy. That will make me 33 (and Elise 3). I simply cannot risk the cancer returning while I'm pregnant again because I'd basically have to choose between my life and the fetus' life if it came back. In December I got an IUD to make sure I don't get pregnant accidentally (btw I love it).

Secondly, chemo can cause infertility for a woman of my age about 25% of the time. There are tons of stories of young breast cancer survivors going on to have multiple kids after chemo but it's not a sure thing. I did get my periods back just a few weeks after finishing treatment which is a good sign!

Thirdly, I have a pretty rough time getting pregnant with Elise. It took one pregnancy loss and 1.5 years to get pregnant with her. I actually was doing acupuncture and herbs for two months to boost my chances of getting pregnant when I got the positive pregnancy test (so it worked!). But I'm clearly not the most fertile person in the world.

Fourth, emotionally I think another pregnancy would be really tough. I've never had an easy, normal pregnancy. For the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy with Elise I was worried I'd lose her (because I'd lost a baby before) and then for the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy I was battling cancer. Just the thought of all the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with being pregnant makes my heart race.

So sounds like my answer is "no", right? Not exactly...

If in three years I'm feeling healthy and if somehow we manage to get pregnant with me being sub-fertile and potentially chemo-damaged, then we'd be overjoyed to welcome another baby. But I'm not banking on all that happening because, as you can see, there are a lot of ifs in that sentence. 

I thank God multiple times a day that we have healthy, happy, sweet Elise. She is a true miracle. I know people throw that term around for babies, but she really is a miracle straight from God. And if she's our only child I am more than OK with that. I am an only child and actually really enjoyed/enjoy being an only child.

So I guess what I'm saying is that in 2.5 years, we'll likely be open to having one more child and at that point we'd just trust God to decide if family grows.

4 comments:

  1. I forgot to thank you last week for your encouraging words about your friend getting pregnant after chemo! It's stories like that that keep me motivated & optimistic :)

    I completely understand your anxious mindset about all the "what ifs". I've been battling them for the last two years. I had (unexplained) infertility issues after Claire, which led to fertility treatments, which then led to an ectopic pregnancy. I'm now at a higher risk for another ectopic pregnancy. And no one knows if the unexplained infertility issues will come back when we start trying. If they do, there's nothing they can do to help me and the trying becomes a closed door. I've sat and racked my brain with all these "issues" I've got against me. But over time I've slowly let it all go to God. If if His will that we have another baby, then it will be. It's been a hard thing to let go of, and trust completely. But I'm finally in a good place that my mind is (mostly!) clear. I pray this for you too. Time does the body & soul good! xoxo

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  2. She is a miracle and don't let ever let anyone make light of that!!

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  3. Elise is most definitely a miracle baby!!

    I bet that question is a tough one for you (and it's one people love to ask, even if no harm is meant). I know for a fact that no matter how big your family ends (1 baby or 2 or 3...), the Lord has a perfect plan for you all. You are one brave mama who has endured so much over the past couple of years, and I know that He will bless your family abundantly no matter how many children y'all have!

    Big hugs friend! (And PS....I am loving your hair right now!)

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  4. Not only is that sweet little girl a major miracle, you are too! Like Rachel said, God has a perfect plan for y'all. Elise is so blessed to have two amazing parents:)

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