Another bump (not another lump)

This fall we started thinking about how we wanted to celebrate my 5 year "cancer-versary" in Summer 2018 -- maybe a big party? A trip? A present?

Well, in November we found out that God was going to give us the most amazing, surprising gift ever for my 5 year. Against all odds, I was pregnant! This was something I was told was unlikely to happen, given how hard it was to conceive Elise and how much chemo likely damaged my fertility.

The Bible says, "God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine." This baby is far, far beyond what I ever asked or imagined.

I am blessed beyond words to announce that baby boy Greer will be joining us in late July 2018.

24 weeks with the excited big sister! 

Baby boy! 

Pregnant with Cancer?

Recently I've had a couple of comments from people who have found my blog and are pregnant with breast cancer. But I've not been able to respond to them because I don't have emails or any way of contacting them.

So if you're pregnant with breast cancer and ever want to chat with me via email, phone, etc. please email me at abumpandalump {at} gmail.com . I've done a ton of research about pregnancy and breast cancer and even have some private groups online that I can add you to connect with women in the same situation.

Will you have more kids?

This is a question that a lot of people ask me, so I thought I'd address it on the ole blog...

The answer is complex.

First, I need to wait until I'm NED (no evidence of disease) for three years before I can consider another pregnancy. That will make me 33 (and Elise 3). I simply cannot risk the cancer returning while I'm pregnant again because I'd basically have to choose between my life and the fetus' life if it came back. In December I got an IUD to make sure I don't get pregnant accidentally (btw I love it).

Secondly, chemo can cause infertility for a woman of my age about 25% of the time. There are tons of stories of young breast cancer survivors going on to have multiple kids after chemo but it's not a sure thing. I did get my periods back just a few weeks after finishing treatment which is a good sign!

Thirdly, I have a pretty rough time getting pregnant with Elise. It took one pregnancy loss and 1.5 years to get pregnant with her. I actually was doing acupuncture and herbs for two months to boost my chances of getting pregnant when I got the positive pregnancy test (so it worked!). But I'm clearly not the most fertile person in the world.

Fourth, emotionally I think another pregnancy would be really tough. I've never had an easy, normal pregnancy. For the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy with Elise I was worried I'd lose her (because I'd lost a baby before) and then for the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy I was battling cancer. Just the thought of all the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with being pregnant makes my heart race.

So sounds like my answer is "no", right? Not exactly...

If in three years I'm feeling healthy and if somehow we manage to get pregnant with me being sub-fertile and potentially chemo-damaged, then we'd be overjoyed to welcome another baby. But I'm not banking on all that happening because, as you can see, there are a lot of ifs in that sentence. 

I thank God multiple times a day that we have healthy, happy, sweet Elise. She is a true miracle. I know people throw that term around for babies, but she really is a miracle straight from God. And if she's our only child I am more than OK with that. I am an only child and actually really enjoyed/enjoy being an only child.

So I guess what I'm saying is that in 2.5 years, we'll likely be open to having one more child and at that point we'd just trust God to decide if family grows.

Elise's Birth Story

I wanted to write Elise’s birth story up so that: 1) We’d have it and I wouldn’t forget all the details 2) I could share it with any “birth story” junkies out there. So, sorry this is a bit long.

I’ve always rolled my eyes a little bit when I hear people say that “God was in details”, but for Elise’s birth He really was. I just keep thinking about how great everything went and I know it God’s blessing around us and Elise. Thank you if you were one of the hundreds of people praying for us. We know that God hears our prayers.

OK, here’s the story…

A few days before Elise was born I had a ton of conversations with my OB and Oncologist about the pros and cons of inducing. Basically my oncologist was worried about me off chemo for too long.  Finally we came to the conclusion that at almost 39 weeks Elise was big enough and her lungs were mature enough to be induced.  My OB warned me that the induction could take a while, especially for a first-time mom, but that was a risk I was willing to take. So we chose Thursday, May 30th as our induction date. 

The morning of the induction we called the hospital to make sure they were ready for us (they were), we took a final picture of me pregnant, grabbed out bags, and headed to Panera for a last meal (since you can’t eat during an induction). 

38w5d - final preggo picture

We arrived at the hospital 9:00 AM and checked into our large corner birthing room. We met our sweet Nurse, Eva (who is also a believer). Then they took my blood and hooked me up the fetal monitors and IV. They sent my blood to the lab to make sure I was well enough to be induced. The OB on duty checked my cervix and it was high and closed. No cm dilated.  Bummer. The good news was that Elise’s head was way down in my pelvis. So after the blood work cleared at 11:00 AM the OB started me on drug to dilate my cervix called misoprostol. She said she’d come back to check me at 3:00 PM. She warned us that it could be a long induction since my cervix was so closed. 

Elise, you are getting evicted.

So then we waited. Played games on the iPads, read magazines, etc. I started to feel some minor contractions but nothing bad. We texted my parents to give them the update and they decided they’d come to the hospital at around 4:00 PM to see me and take Jonathan to dinner.

The OB came back at 3:30 PM and checked  my cervix. 2 cm dilated. Progress! She decided I could entering real labor here based on contractions and decided to not give me more Misoprostol or start Pitocin. That maybe my body would just do it on my own. My parents arrived a little while later as I was starting to have more contractions really low. We still figured real labor was hours away, so my Dad and Jon left for dinner around 4:30 PM and my Mom stayed to keep me company.

At around 5:00 PM my contractions started to get really close together and by 5:30 I was begging for pain relief. But I wasn’t sure how dilated I was so I didn’t want to get the epidural too soon.  They checked and I was 4 cm. I felt good about getting the epidural then. By 6:00 PM my epidural was placed I started to feel better. Then I started to feel worse, way worse. Terrible low stabbing pains (contractions), one after the other. I kept saying “this shouldn’t be how I feel on an epidural, should it?”

In pain but still smiling

Unfortunately right around 6:30 PM there was shift change a new anesthesiologist came in. He felt like maybe the epidural was placed wrong and wanted to re-do it. Thank goodness my Mom said “no” to that idea and had him load it up with more meds, because there probably would not have been enough time to remove and place a new epidural before I had to push. They also checked my cervix and I was already 7cm dilated (whoa!),  which was why I was in desperate need of more drugs. The anesthesiologist also gave me another pain drug in the IV (more on that later) to work quickly since I was in such pain (major cuss words and almost crying at this point).

Finally after more drugs in the epidural I was feeling great. My cervix got checked again and I was 8 cm and entering transition. My Mom started desperately calling my Dad and Jon telling them “get back here! She’s gonna start pushing soon!!” They’d been having a three-course Thai dinner.

Jon got back to the hospital at 7:00 PM and it was basically time to start pushing. Because the anesthesiologist gave me that drug in my IV they were worried Elise would come out lethargic from it since it takes two hours to wear off. So the whole pediatrics team was called to the room to make sure she’d be ok.  Since my hospital UCSD is teaching hospital, an intern, a resident, and Dr. were put in place in deliver Elise. My parents went out the waiting room and it was just Jon and I with all the Drs and nurses. 

I was finally fully numb from the waist-down thanks to the glorious, now-working epidural when I started to push a little bit after 7:00 PM. My amniotic fluid had still not broken and Drs were all worried about it bursting on them, so they had full plastics masks on. Hilarious. (side note: I guess a baby being born in their amniotic sack is rare very good luck in many cultures). I pushed for about 40 minutes while they monitored Elise’s heart rate. It dropped pretty low a few times but not enough to warrant concern. I couldn’t feel anything, so I kept asking the Drs “am I doing this right?” They assured me I was. They could see Elise’s full head of hair. Which was wonderful to hear because we felt assured that my placenta did it’s job and shielded her from all of the chemo drugs.

Finally on a contraction my water broke and did not make the giant mess that was predicted, and on the next push Elise was out! Elise cried immediately and it was the best sound I’ve heard in my life. They placed on her on my chest while Jon cut the cord.

Pure joy

Then they had the pediatrics team take her and do a quick exam to make sure she was fine from that drug I got. She was 100% fine and active. She scored a 9 and a 9 on her APGARs. Amazing score for any baby, let alone one who went through chemo, was induced, and got a little too much pain drugs. She weighed 7 lbs, 14 oz and was 20.5 inches long. Perfect size.

Perfect

The doctors then placed her back on chest for skin-to-skin love and for me to feed to her a bottle of breast milk from the San Jose Milk Bank. My parents also came back into the room to meet Elise.

The Grandparents

The doctors all could not believe how quickly I dilated and how short of a time I pushed for. Basically the entire process from getting the first misoprostol drug for dilation to Elise being born was just under 9 hours. Heck, Jon almost missed the pushing because I dilated so much in just a few hours.

Family of 3

I said how God was in the details and here is what I mean…  I prayed so hard and had many others praying for short delivery, healthy baby, and no c-section. I got all of those about as perfectly as possible. The fact my Mom just arrived to be there with me during the worst pain and to be coach was ideal. How the epidural debacle ended just fine. I loved how Elise stayed in her fluid the whole time – it made feel like “protection” was around her for the entire process. I only had a very minor tear from delivery, so I could resume chemo quickly. But most importantly Elise was healthy and was able to go home with us 36 hours after being born.

Heading home

Elise is here!

Our daughter, Elise Victoria, arrived on May 30 just before 8:00 PM.

She scored a 9 on her APGAR and is a healthy, normal, perfect baby. I cannot stop thanking God that she's here and healthy.

She weighed 7 lbs 14 oz, and was 20.5 inches long.

Just moments after birth

Elise means consecrated to God and Victoria means victory. 

Many more pictures and a birth story will be coming to this blog soon. But basically I had the most ideal induction ever. God was in every detail. Another huge answer to prayer.

 

 

Heading home. You can see her full head of HAIR. Way more hair than me right now. :)

Baby Update and Belly/Boob Casting

We had our 38 week ultrasound this morning and everything looked good. She's around the 62nd percentile and weighs 7.5 lbs. Praise God for a growing and active baby!

I also met with my oncologist this week and she seemed surprised that I've made it this far in the pregnancy and expressed a bit of concern about me delaying chemo too much further (I can't go back on the next chemo drug until I'm not pregnant). So I'll be having some in-depth conversations with my OB next week about potentially inducing labor around 39 weeks. (note: I know inducing labor early is a hot button topic for some folks, but unless you've been pregnant with breast cancer or you have an MD in Obstetrics/Oncology, I really don't want to hear you're opinion on the topic. kthankyou!).

Switching gears a bit ...

This week I also got to do something really fun and special, which was to have to my boobs and belly cast by Keep A Breast.

In progress

Final product

It's really special because I'll never had this body again. I'll be losing my "bump" to gain a baby very shortly, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be pregnant again. And I'm almost certainly getting a double mastectomy (with reconstruction) this Summer, so I'll have different boobs after that.

I'm trying to think of what to have painted on the cast to make it a true piece of art (artist, I am not). There are some really cool ideas out there. Suggestions wanted!


Finally, thank you to everyone who bought something via the Pampered Chef Fundraiser. Ya'll are amazing! If you are still wanting to help us out in some way, you can check out the the "How to Help" tab on this site. 

Life Lately

Just a little update on my life since I've not posted in a while...

I'm actually feeling really good three weeks post-chemo. If I still had my hair, I wouldn't even remember that I'd gone through 4 rounds of chemo already. I thank God all the time that I've felt this good during treatment and can enjoy my life with my friends and family.

Out to dinner with friends last weekend

I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant, which means I'm almost full term! I never imagined we'd make it this far. Now I'm just praying and praying baby girl stays healthy and comes out when she feels ready sometime in the next couple of weeks. We have another growth ultrasound next week that I am excited and anxious for. I think she's still growing well because I feel a lot bigger.

This was actually at 35w, I'm bigger now I think

I've been walking a lot for both my health and because I hear that can make babies "drop" and get ready to be born. I do 1.5-3 miles a day depending on how I feel. Last weekend I did a 5k walk for Miracle Babies with a couple of other beautiful moms-to-be. So fun!

Due in August, due in June, due that day!

I celebrated my first Mother's Day as a Mom (to be). We celebrated by having a giant brunch on top of Symphony Towers at the University Club with my parents. It was amazing! Jonathan gave me me the sweetest card that made me cry. I pray this is the first of many many Mother's Days that we get to spend as a family.

The view

Parents to be

Me and my Mom

I'm finishing up my last week of work before maternity leave this week. My company has been so great letting me work part time from home during chemo. My plan is to return to work in the fall after I have surgery for the cancer (which unfortunately means a longer leave than just maternity leave). In the fall I may try to work while doing radiation since I hear that's doable. It's so crazy to think about being away from work for ~5 months. I never taken a break from work or school this long in my life. Strange.

As my big pre-baby project, I've been trying to complete all my digital scrapbooks from prior years before we have an onslaught of baby pictures to albumize. I make my layouts in Photoshop Elements and then get the books printed by Blurb. It's fun but takes a long time. My goal is to finish 2011-2012 by the time the baby arrives and I'm half-way through 2011. You can preview my 2010 book that I just finished here. I love looking at my parents pictures from before I was born and I hope that someday my daughter will like having these books too (she can see how FUN we used to be!).

That's about it for life lately! I'll post updates later next week after the oncologist checkup appointment and growth ultrasound. Thank you for all of your continued prayers for health for me and our little one! I know God is hears them.

Chemo Break

I'm officially 10 days into my chemo break and besides not having any hair I'm feeling like a regular ole pregnant lady. Achy back, ribs hurt from getting kicked, braxton-hicks contractions -- just the usual stuff for the final weeks of pregnancy. But no lasting effects from the AC chemo that I can pinpoint.

As I explained before, I'm taking a break from chemo until I deliver the baby and then I'll get taxol chemo.

It makes me nervous to be off chemo for ~6 weeks. Like what if my tumors start growing or spreading? I just want to keep fighting this beast! I know that being off of it for 6 weeks is not a big deal and I trust my oncologist, but I just keep thinking I want this baby to hurry up and get here so I get back to chemo. However, I also know I'll have a better delivery and heal quicker if I rebuild my blood cell counts (which I'm doing right now) and if I let her come on her own. 

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for the next five weeks. I'm working for two more weeks and spending lots of time in between having lunches and dinners with friends. Oh and I still have a million dr. appointments (mainly for the baby, not the cancer). But other than that, I don't have any real goals or things I need to accomplish before she gets here. I feel ready. Another reason that I just want her to come already.

Just to show you how "normal pregnant lady" I've become, I made a little belly-comparison collage. Each of these photos are 7 weeks apart.

Grow baby grow!

Actually, I lied, there is still one thing I still need to do before baby girl gets here... pick a pediatrician. I want someone who will embrace my milk-sharing, organic baby food-making, integrative medicine philosophies but can also deal with a type-a, hypochondriac mother (however, I think I've earned the right to be a bit of hypochondriac, don't you agree?). That's a tall order.

AC Chemo #4 & Baby Updates

On Wednesday I finished AC chemo #4, which is my last chemo before the baby and should be my last AC chemo ever!

My Dad went with me and wore his "Race for the Cure" shirt to show support. Love it!

Chemo went really well. My blood cell counts were all good (praise!) and my oncologist thinks my tumor has shrunk even more based on feeling it alone. In fact, he said he can't even feel a tumor anymore (amazing!).

So now I get a break from chemo for a little more than six weeks! Then, I'll start Taxol (another chemo drug) 1-2 weeks after giving birth and get that four times over seven weeks. I'm excited for a break, but also anxious to get back on chemo since I know it's doing a good job fighting the cancer.

In baby news...

We had a growth ultrasound on Friday and the baby looked great! She measured right on track (65 percentile for size based on gestational age) and they estimated she's 5lbs 6oz already (so not growth restricted at all!). The perinatologist said she looked "perfect" which was music to our ears and a huge answer to prayers. Keep praying that baby girl grows and is born healthy in a few weeks!

A "Normal" Week

Since it's been over a week since I posted I thought I'd do a quick update to let you know we are doing well. All-and-all it's been a pretty "normal" week in my crazy "new normal" world.

Headed to a friend's baby "sprinkle" on Sunday

 I spent most of the week working from home, which is actually a wonderful and welcome distraction. Unfortunately my upper back is in a lot of pain (is it from pregnancy? Chemo? Neulasta? Cancer? All of the above? I'll never know.), so I spend most of my work day reclining on the couch with my laptop on my lap. But other than that it's been easy to get some work done.

I also squeezed in a couple of Dr. appts...

I met with a perinatologist (read: a high-risk OBGYN) this week for a consultation and he did a quick "bonus" ultrasound of the baby. She still looks good in there! I'll have another growth ultrasound next Friday (4/26), so pray that she's not growth-restricted and they don't find any other issues there. Basically the perinatologist was very upbeat about the baby (really all the doctors have been) and thinks she'll be just fine.

I also met with an oncology psychologist (read: a therapist who specializes in cancer patients) and spent the hour telling my story and crying my eyes out. I think I'll meet with her on a semi-regular basis to help me deal with my fear of metastasis and get strategies for living beyond cancer.

This weekend we got our deep freezer! Since I'm collecting donor milk for our little girl, we needed a big space to store it. I think this will do...

Will also come in handy if we ever need to hide a dead body. KIDDING!

I actually recently got in my first batch of donor milk from a seriously amazing woman. I won't share her story publicly here (you can ask me about it if we talk), but I'll just say she is living proof that God is good and He works to make the best out of even the worst situations.

Liquid gold, my friends

This week I've also had a few fun visits with friends that have helped me deal with the loneliness of being home all the time. Michelle brought me lunch from Tender Greens. Kay came over to continue to teach me to crochet (I am making progress!). And I went over to my sweet neighbor's house for lunch and tea. Of course I always have this sweet beast to hang out with...

He really looks thrilled to be hanging out with me, doesn't he?

Obviously the bombings in Boston have been close to my heart and mind this week as well -- for so many reasons. Because my parents lived in Boston so close to blast sites for the last six years, because my Dad is a marathoner and I've watched him run and finish many marathons over the years, and because it's just another reminder of fragility of life. One minute you're watching a marathon, the next minute you're fighting to survive. One day you're happily healthy and pregnant, the next you're told you have a deadly cancer. Sadly, the only assurance we have in this life is that it will end in death. I have to remind myself in times of despair that there is hope, hope that "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Finally, some blog updates...
I've added a link to my treatment plan on the blog header (whoa daunting). And I've updated the prayer requests page.

Chemo #3, Baby Update, and Lump Update

On Wednesday I finished Chemo #3! That marks my second-to-last AC chemo and my second-to-last chemo before breaking to have our baby girl.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us yesterday. I have nothing but good news to report from chemo #3. Praise God! My blood counts were all "low-normal" which is still well within the range to get chemo. The side effects from this round seem to be similar to the last one -- just some mild nausea/tummy issues here and there and lots of exhaustion. Just running a few errands is about all I can do without needing a rest/nap. But overall I'm truly blessed that I feel this good while on AC chemo. I credit good doctors, lots of Kangen water, and of course prayer. 

Here we are on the way to Chemo #3.

31.5 Weeks

Today I had my checkup with my OB-GYN. I'll get another growth ultrasound in ~2 weeks, but today she said my belly was measuring right on track and the baby's heartbeat was normal. Yay! I talked to her more about my delivery plan (not inducing unless medically necessary so that my chance of a c-section is lower). She also said I don't need to take a birthing class (because I really cannot stand the idea of being in a room full of happy, naive preggos). She said that I can just read a book or do an online class if I want to, but the nurses and midwives will coach me though the whole delivery no matter what prep I do. My OB seemed really happy and impressed about how "healthy" I looked despite having cancer and doing chemo which was sweet.

Also today I had my checkup with my surgical oncologist. She could not even feel my previously swollen axillary lymph node (I told her I can feel it if I really dig for it but it's rice-sized) and she could feel that my breast lump has decreased in size quite a bit. She even said "this is terrific!" Basically, it's really great news that the chemo is working so well thus far. Keep praying that it continues to work and there will be no evidence of cancer to be found by the time I have my surgery. No matter what happens I will be having surgery on parts or both of my breasts around late August or early September (depends on how fast I can can complete my next rounds of taxol chemo). More decisions to be made on that later.

Good Baby News

Today we had our first of two placenta and growth ultrasounds, and everything looked great! Praise God for looking after this little one.

The first piece of good news is that my placenta has moved up and is no longer marginal placenta previa. Horray! This means no need to have a c-section for placenta issues (keep praying that I don't need a c-section for any other reason though).

The second piece of good news is that baby girl's growth is in the 73rd percentile. She's about 3.5 lbs already. The maternal-fetal medicine doctor who's worked with pregnant cancer patients before said that with baby girl being as big as she already is the chance of the chemo impacting her growth is very very low. We'll do another growth scan in 6 weeks but we expect that will be good.

In cancer news, I'm still feeling OK after round 1 of chemo. Still really tired and achy a lot. Oh and I managed to pick up a small cold. It's nothing terrible but annoying. They were not kidding about a lowered immune system, jeez. I should be well enough for chemo next Wednesday, but please pray that this cold doesn't turn into anything more serious.

Baby Updates and Blog Site Navigation

Today I had my first OB-GYN appointment post-cancer diagnosis. It's still just so surreal to both be pregnant and have cancer. I think my OB was really scared I was going to be suicidal, but she seemed pleasantly surprised at how "good" and "healthy" I look. That is one of the strangest things for me about this cancer is that I don't feel "sick" at all and I don't look sick either even after one round of chemo. I guess when my hair starts to fall out, I'll look a little sicker? 

Anyway, the best news from the OB appointment is that all was well with the baby. Her heart rate was good. Despite not gaining any weight at all in the last 3 weeks I measured "ahead" (by fundal height). All seems normal.

This Friday we have an ultrasound to make sure my marginal placenta previa has resolved and to measure the baby's growth. Please pray that baby girl measures on track and that my placenta is in the right place (if it's too low, I may be required to have a c-section). It's very important that I don't have a c-section because I need to go back on chemo soon after giving birth and having a c-section will delay that. 

Speaking of prayers, have you seen the prayer requests page on abumpandalump?

My Mom informed me that she didn't realize there were "pages" on the blog as well as posts (oh technology!). So in case anyone else missed that, if you look on top under the banner you can navigate to a few specific pages that I plan to keep updated. They are:
- The Diagnosis
- FAQs
- How to help
- Prayer Requests

On the prayer requests page, I also have "praises" for the prayers we've had answered so far. God answers prayers, and I plan to fill up that "praises" section with them!

How it started

In September 2012, Jonathan and I were overjoyed to learn I was finally pregnant! Due date of June 8, 2013.

All fall long we worried that something would go wrong with the pregnancy or baby, but finally in early January we received a "clear" anatomy scan and learned we were having a healthy baby girl. Praise God!

Later in January, I noticed a strange hardness or lump on the side of breast but I figured it was pregnancy related -- a blocked milk duct or just general pregnancy breast changes.

At my next OB Appointment in late February I casually asked my OB about it (because 29-year-olds don't get breast cancer, do they?!) and she referred me to a radiologist to have it checked out.

On March 1, 2013 our lives forever changed when the radiologist found a medium-sized lump in my breast along with one swollen lymph node. She said they were "highly-likely" to be malignant (BI-RADS 5). We knew then it was bad. They did a biopsy on both the lump and the lymph node and we waited knowing the worst was probably coming.

Three days later we received the biopsy results:
- 2.5 cm breast tumor positive for cancer
- Cancer type - Invasive ductal carcinoma (the most common kind of breast cancer)
- Tumor grade - Grade 3 (the most different from a normal cell and the most aggressive type of tumor)
- ER/PR negative - Meaning it does not have estrogen or progesterone receptors (this is more common in younger women)
- HER2/neu status - Unknown (waiting on more biopsy results)
- Stage - Stage IIB (tumor with invasion into at least one nearby lymph node) but could be Stage IIIA if more lymph nodes are affected (but we won't know that until surgery).

It's surreal to think a week ago I happy, pregnant, and fine. Now I'm facing the biggest battle of my life, for my life.

You might be thinking, what about the baby?!

She is still doing fine as far as we know -- kicking around in there and growing.

Medical research has shown that some type of chemotherapy are safe for fetuses and the second or third trimester (I'm 27 weeks today). And surgery can be safe as well.

These are all things we're considering as we come up with our treatment plan. More on that next week.